Your daughter wouldn't be caught dead in these shoes.

But that doesn't keep me from wanting them. They're in my shopping cart at Arthur Beren's.

I love Arthur Beren. LOVE IT. They stock shoes in hard-to-find sizes. If you wear a tiny size or a narrow size or a size 11, you will love this place. My friends who wear narrow widths are always whining about not being able to find shoes that fit. Well, I wear a C-width, when I can get it, which isn't often. And mostly, wide-width shoes are sold at places like PayLess. And they're made of pleather. Which, I guess, befits my lumpen proletariat feet. But three words: No, no, no!

So ... Arthur Beren. With a very, very nice selection of shoes. Some of which are even fashionable (check out the boots!)

But that's not what I'm about today. Today I need replacements for beloved shoes that are getting worn out. And I need shoes for when I'm singing, which unfortunately, means low, sturdy heels that I can stand in for long, long periods of time. And wear with pants or skirts. And in black, with black hose or black pants, to go with my choir robe. Not exciting.

These, My Girl by Stuart Weizmann fit the bill:



Or these, which are so classic and old-ladyish that my gorge rises a bit: Salvatore Ferragamo's Lillaz in black. Perfect with a choir robe. (Or to wear when I'm robbing a bank. My God, they look respectable! Maybe I'd better skip them.)



And then these, for knocking around in when I'm wearing jeans but want something a little sleeker than old skool Pumas or my beloved clogs, Ferragamo's Trim in brown calf:



And then, because I'm not always wearing flats or low-heeled shoes, I also need something a little dressy, but not ridiculously glamorous. For those occasions, Stuart Weizmann's Stretch Limo.



And these. I really need these. The ultimate ladylike dress shoe, the classic slim-heeled slingback with a slim heel and a closed toe. Nothing is more irreproachable, yet--dare I say it--sexier. For those occasions, Calligarius' Balux in black/black.



OK, I need to get this off my chest. I'm not crazy about the beige/black combination. In fact, I kind of hate it. I don't care if Chanel popularized it long ago, or that Rene Mancini, my favorite shoe designer of all time, originated it. I don't like the combination of beige and black. Beige and brown, yes. Gray and black, yes. But warm colors combined with cold colors do not look good to my eye. In fact, they look like ass. (Like a black thong on a beige ass, to be exact.)

Finally, Stuart Weizmann's sumptuous and elegant Clara in black peau de soie with a three-inch heel--lovely, lovely, lovely, even if the more tasteful and discerning fetishists will love it, too:



I think I need to decide between the two low-heeled choir lady shoes. Because I don't want to waste perfectly good purple suede platform peep-toed ankle-strap money on two pairs of choir lady shoes. I may be a middle-aged choir lady with a wardrobe full of clothes from the Talbot's, but I have my limits.