Thursday, January 19, 2006

Put another Lemur on the Barbie

Did you know that the Olsen twins are going to premier their two new fashion lines in Australia? I can only assume that the Olsen twins think that their bizarre black-rimmed eyes, little fuzzy furry heads, and strangely tanned skin make them look like unusually attractive marsupials. Maybe they feel a strange kinship with the duck-billed platypus.

Mary-Kate and Ashley, I hate to burst your bubble, but actually, you look much more like lemurs. You see, lemurs tend to wear lots and lots and lots of black eye makeup:

Also, lemurs just can't get enough of each other. They are so totally touchy-feely, it borders on incestuous:

You're seeing the resemblance, right? I mean, I'm totally not making this up. But Mary-Kate? Ashley, honey? Lemurs belong in Madagascar. Not Australia. Where, you know, there are laws against the way you two behave.

First of all, there is the little matter of your private lives.

OK, in this picture, you're trying to make it look like you're Just Good Friends:

But in this picture, Mary-Kate is about to announce that she is carrying Ashley's baby. Or the other way around. Do you think the Australians are going to stand for this? I don't think so.

Then there are the fashion crimes, to which I have already alluded.

Fashion Cop: "OK, Mary-Kate (or Ashley--sorry, honey; I can't tell you girls apart) this time I'll let you off with a warning. Now put the blue curtains back on your mother's living room windows. And take a shower, missy!"

So here is a question for my readers: do the Olsen Twats Twins seriously think people in Oz want to look or act like them?

Maybe it would fly in Madagascar, where the other lemurs would probably dig it, but I'm sure the Australians won't stand for it. After all, everyone knows that kangaroos are famous for their exquisite taste in boomerangs.


1 comment:

Joke said...

"My arm is tired, Maurice. Wave it for me."